TITLE: Flight of Realisation AUTHOR: Sandra Winarta DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, as long as the story is intact along with my name and disclaimer. CLASSIFICATION: V, A. RATING: G. SPOILERS: Gethsemene. SUMMARY: Scully attempts to come to terms with Mulder's death. DISCLAIMER: I don't own FM or DS, nor do I claim to. CC and 1013 Productions do (and Rupert Murdoch too)! FLIGHT OF REALISATION by Sandra Winarta She hadn't been on a swing since she was twelve. To be honest, since college when after a bout Saturday night drinks, she and a group of friends would make an assault of the local playground. Except it was now daylight, and she was no longer young. Yet, it didn't matter what anyone thought of a grown woman playing on the swings. It didn't matter at all. Her legs gently rocked the swing back and forth, eventually pushing her body off the ground. She was soaring, the ground rushing beneath her feet. The sky greeted her each time she kicked her legs into its blue depths. Just like flying. Funny that she hated travelling by plane. Being on the swings was different. It was flying without the turbulance, without the fear of plummeting to the ground in flames. On the swings she was in control. Free of fear. More free since... Since joining the X-Files, she realised. That was, what, four years ago? Four years since Mulder threw her beliefs into disarray. Four years of keeping her emotions in check for fear of rejection. Four years of risking everything in search of an ideal that she now knew could never be attained. And for what? For who? For a man who was driven only by his own deluded ambitions. Who had reduced her life to the biggest of lies. And now, he was dead. She was free. Happy. Which didn't make an inch of sense when her heart was as empty as a midnight subway. Hell, who was kidding anyway? She is empty because the man who annoyed her was also the one with whom she could share her thoughts with. The one who she could call at ridiculous hours of the night when a nightmare left her too wired to sleep. The one she trusted with her life. His death had shocked her. It was only then that she realised how much he was a part of her, and how big of a gap he had left. Before, such revelations would have shocked her. They were partners, dammit! Partners didn't think about each other that way. She rejected the possibility of them ever being more than friends. Did he really love her, desire her? She would catch him looking at her with an odd expression in his eyes, but chose to ignore him. She didn't want to face the fact that he wanted her as much as she wanted him. Now, she realised that she would never know how he really felt about her. All the things left unsaid will forever remain unsaid. All the misunderstandings will forever remain unresolved. The gentle breeze had mutated into a harsh wind, cutting through her thin clothes. Dark clouds had replaced clear skies, rain starting to flood down from them. The lashing water soaked her clothes and hair. She struggled to keep her legs swinging against the wind. Suddenly, when she thought her strength had failed her, she saw him. Solid as he ever was. Eyes wearing an expression that showed only love. For her. She smiled widely, no longer feeling the cold or the wet. And he smiled back. THE END.